05 Aug Imagining a world without Strippers…A stag’s nightmare
The world was perfect and strippers made it interesting
Why on earth do you need strippers? The answer is not why not. The answer is the sum of the desires of men and women. Actually dance and particularly ritualistic naked dance marked the beginning of civilisation. Without high priestesses with immaculate big bottoms, the gods would not have helped with the harvest. There would have been nothing to look forward to for the next summer solstice or Beltane festival. Without boobs on display there would have been no Parthenon, no Renaissance and definitely no Las Vegas. So how would the world look if tomorrow striptease disappeared all of the sudden.
No strippers – boring Stags
The world would fill with the most boring stags ever. Yes you would still have drinking and go-carting. Yes the stag would end up wrapped around a pole at 3 am. But there would be no dirty photos to blackmail him with. There would be no cheering no jeering and no bra around his neck.
Loads of make up artists would appear all of the sudden
Strippers in Ireland would probably end up working as make up artists. With years of experience in putting on extravagant make up, loads of housewives would start looking like strippers.
Pole dancing for the Olympics
Those who appreciate pole dancing would be bale to enjoy it only during the Olympic games. The funny part would be if South Africa and China were the finalists.
Men would forget what tipping strippers is like
The fine art of hanging a banknote on a thong would be soon forgotten. Men would probably even forget what a motorboat is
There would be no wealthy students
As stripping pays considerably more than working in a bar or KFC, students would still have to make do with minimum wage. There would be no fast track out of end of the month poverty
There would be no Strip clubs
Without strip clubs most men would resort to internet porn. Masturbation would a full time job for most of us. Not because it’s not happening now. But with striptease men can enjoy eroticism without stroking their Johnson. Or most men that is. Take out the strip clubs and you are taking out the arty side of porn. An artless porn-full world would emerge from the ashes of thongs and stilettos.
Las Vegas would a ghost city
With no strippers and no bachelor parties, no male strippers and no hens, Las Vegas would just another gambling hole in the world. Imagine the city of light with no butts, no lap dancers and no heels on broken glass. Just slot machines and the roulette making its dreadful noise.
The sales of Policewomen outfits would disappear
Most costume producers count on strippers to keep buying their sexy outfits. With only Halloween and Valentines to count on, these hard working stripper tailors would probably think of taking up stripping themselves.
Shrinks would see an army of new clients
For those that don’t anything about striptease they think that all strippers do is grind on the lap of men. In reality strippers are the best shrink in the world. Their wise words have saved marriages and lonely men from suicide. Take out the healing aspect of eroticism from the world and watch the world fall apart.
Wives would have to deal with their husbands every Saturday night
While some partners would loose the plot if their loved ones set foot in a strip club, most secretly wish for it. The stripclub offers that space that men need in order not to be too annoying. A buffer zone where men can be apes and their wives can bitch about them to their friends in the mean time. A blessing in disguise
Most importantly, if the strippers disappeared from the world, whats going to happen to stripper writers like myself . Whose bottoms and boobs would I sing, whose thongs I would imagine blindfolding me ?